Well, well, well. It has been a mighty long time since I last reported. The last months have been full on many fronts but first and foremost are body art and fertility treatments. It seems I have become a human pin cushion.
First, after our last failed IUI, I decided to return to acupuncture to see if I could liven up those follicles a bit. It certainly seemed to have helped for our only successful round of IUI. We took a few months off from seeing the RE, and I began weekly visits to the acupuncturist. During this time, I also continued working on the lower-leg tattoo sleeve. After the catfish, I had 2 more sessions to add the frog and dragon fly and the rest of the line work for the pond scene.
This time was relatively calm, in spite of the needlework. Somehow in my head the tattoos have become a chronicle of the infertility. I can't really explain how. I suspect it began by having three key elements (catfish, frog and dragonfly). Perhaps it was the doing it in pieces and the incomplete, open-ended nature of it. I don't know for sure. Still, after several months of acupuncture and then completing the line work spurred something in me, and I called up the RE and scheduled an appointment to do a baseline ultrasound to see how the follicles were doing.
I went in and things just went into overdrive after that. We had a good number of follicles. We scheduled a meeting with the RE to talk over our options. The short of it was: IVF with pre-implantation genetic screening (PGS). Insurance approved all but the ICSI and the testing. It all began. I started the pill and had two weeks to squeeze in my first bit of color on my tattoo. Natasha did the frog and then began the ultrasounds, the blood tests, the daily injections, and eventually the egg retrieval. First bad news: we went in with 16-17 sizable follicles, we came out with only six eggs. Next bad news a day later: only 2 eggs were healthy/mature. Both fertilized, but we had too few to do PGS. We did a Day 2 transfer. More shots this time: progesterone and Lovenox. Two agonizing weeks of waiting. Thank god for the estrogen pills. Those little blue pills provide a real pick-me-up. Friday the 24th I go in for the blood test. Four hours later, we get the call. Unfortunately, it was all for naught. We're not pregnant. Moreover, there is little chance of us ever getting and/or staying pregnant with my eggs. Twenty four hours and numerous tears later, I call to schedule an appointment for the next stage of my tattoo. I can't get in until October 17, but there's nothing else happening until then, so I can wait.
My doc wants me to come back in a couple of weeks to talk about our options. At this point we really have two options: donor egg or giving up. We'll keep talking about it, and I'll keep swinging back and forth from one extreme to another, but I really think it's done.
Now I am just stuck on *how* to give up.
